Thursday, November 1, 2007


"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
Tokyo Disneyland Proudly Presents...
Tokyo Disneyland Acoustical Parade Drop Dead!"

Oliver is sitting at his computer at MBTA headquarters in Boston, where it's already 11 p.m. at night, monitoring the crowd movements at the Minihama metro station near Tokyo, where it's just hitting 1 p.m. the next day. As he watches the webcast inside the station, he sees a bunch of school girls walking off a train going towards town.
They notice the webcam and start dancing in a very sensuous fashion. As they do, they yell, "We're going to Tokyo Disneyland!" They're all dressed as various Disney Princesses-Belle, Aurora, Cinderella, etc. It's a big holiday in Japan-National Costume Day, where young people dress up in various costumes from anime, art & more. One of the girls is playing the music from her new boombox, which she bought in the Rippongi shopping area before coming to school.
As he looks at the screen, his boss comes in and shouts at him, "Oliver! That package you sent to Shanghai last night didn't get there!" This causes him to get up and take to his heels.
"Oliver! You're in for trouble! Those guys at the Shanghai Metro are gonna hang me out to dry if they learned..."
Suddenly, his cell phone rings.
" DID get it? When?...Okay, I'll tell him."
He hangs up and says, "Never mind, Oliver! They got the package. You're off the hook. For now."
Oliver breathes a sigh of relief and goes back to watching the webcam from Tokyo.

Meanwhile, up in Montreal, their Metro will soon be winding down their day. Near one of the Underground shopping arcades, two lovely ladies in red tee-shirts and black minis walk around doing a cancan dance. One of the passers-by is shocked by this. He smacks the first girl in the jaw, but she kicks him right between the you-know-wheres. He falls into the track butt first. Suddenly, he sees a train coming. Only a quick move inside the track cone prevents him from being run over.
Do you suppose that the man got what he deserved?

That's a good question.

Next time, we'll go back to that story about the Chestnut Hill thing.

Monday, October 8, 2007


"Okay, last call, everyone! Time, gentlemen & ladies, time!"
Last call for drinks at Kimberly's Bar & Lounge inside Chestnut Hill Station on the Riverside branch of the Green Line. Because the fourth game of the World Series had ended so late(the San Diego Padres had swept the Red Soc in four straight), people were getting pissy-assed drunk. One of the patrons watched the Grand Slam that ended it in top of the 12th. and threw a beer bottle into the plasma TV, causing it to explode into pieces.
"What the devil did you just do?" Kimberly, the bar woman shoouted.
"I hate the fucking Padres," the patron said before collapsing off of his chair and onto the floor. Several patrons saw this and called 911 on their cellphones. Meanwhile, Kimberly leapt over and helped the man to a nearby table. "Get some blankets or a coat," she shouted. "We gotta keep this guy warm until the ambulance comes."
Another patron who was corroded shouted, "Let that old bag rot in jail!"
One of the other nearby patrons started beating up on him, but the guy fought back.
"Right to the end, you said you were gonna drink the whole bottle!" he shouted.
Meanwhile, someone turned on the radio and played a station that was playing "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" by Joan Baez.
"Hey," another customer said. "I remember hearing that song in the 70s. Although I imagined Duchess the Cat from 'The Aristocats' singing it. Just like I imagined Snow White singing 'Those Were The Days' by that Mary Hopkin."
"Come on over and help me, damnit!" Kimberly shouted to him. "The rest of you clear out of here before the cops come and take you out!"

To be continued....

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


"We don't care! If you choke!
We've got rights and
we're gonna smoke!"

The official name of the march was called the Procession for Smokers Rights; it was called "Walk For Sauce," which meant that people were upset about brand new smoking restrictions in the workplace at the MBTA headquarters. The Director of the T had decided to close the smoking rooms at their various offices throughout Eastern Massachusetts. Hundreds of smokers were demanding that the T reverse the decision.
As they came out of Aquarium station, Japanese employers held up signs that said, "Come To Japan! You will find harmony with non-smokers!" 2 men came over and kicked a few of the bosses, sending them sprawling into oncoming cars entering the Callahan tunnel.

To be continued...

Friday, August 31, 2007


There was another occultic ritual last night along the former Mattapan high speed rail line. Ever since the T stopped the trolley between Ashmont Station in Dorchester & Mattapan Station in 2005, a group of cultist groups have performed different rituals. Everything from human sacrifice to initiations have been carried out on the line. Most of these are acted out inside the Cedar Grove Cemetery(the line runs through there).
Well last night, 2 teen girls were led into the cemetery where they were tied up and carried to the altar where they were being initiated into the Ladies of the Flowers, a quasi-sororitial group that were Christians who "worshipped God through the many floral arrangements in the flower shops." (Many of them were employees at flower shops or the floral markets in and around Boston.)
The head flower spoke to the girls saying, "Before you are initiated into our sorority, you must now swear an oath or obligation pertaining to this degree, which I, as the lead flower assure you, is only symbolic in nature, and will not conflict with your political or religous beliefs..."
Suddenly, a yell went out...
"T police! Freeze!"
There they were-a dozen T police officers with guns drawn. Suddenly, several T police vehicles came to take all the participants to the local police station.

To be continued...when I get back Wednesday...

Friday, August 10, 2007


While Donna, Craig & I are waiting for the train to take us from Quincy Center to Harvard Square, the T Vision monitors are airing live coverage of the Coronation of Pope Patrick I live from the Vatican in Rome via satellite. All of the nation's top broadcast & cable networks are broadcasting the event, including all of the local stations here in Boston. The reason it's airing at noon here in the Boston is because the Carmelengo decided on an early evening ceremony Rome time.
At his own station, Pope Patrick-the former Cardinal Callahan of San Francisco-decided to take the initiative by asking for the ceremony to be celebrated according to the Motu Proprio rite, which means the Tridentine Mass according to the Missal of 1962. And of course, that means the whole ritual of processions, coronation, and all the rich material of the old church is being brought back to life for the world's 1 billion Catholics-and 5 billion others of all faiths and none-to view on their TVs & computers, as well as listeners on the radio.
As we watch, the carmelengo is chanting "Pater Sancte, Sit Transit Gloria Mundi." So the world's glory passes on, Holy Father. It tells the Holy Father, "You're mortal, too." Aren't we all, anyway? So now the procession enters the Basillica, led in by the Sacred College of Cardinals-including our own archbishop, Craig Cardinal O'Leary, who's over there in Rome today-and by countless dignitaries from around the world.
Meanwhile, a breaking news icon appears on the bottom of the screen that's carrying Channel 5's broadcast reporting that Cardinal O'Leary is reported to have been exposed as a Freemason & a Satanist.
Some of the people are shocked to see an illicit video of the Cardinal presiding over a bastardized communion rite last Holy Thursday, which was held at 11 p.m. that night, after he'd celebrated the Mass of the Lord's Supper at the Cathedral of the Holy Cross here in Boston. It's also revealed that he's been involved in a sex abuse ring involving high school girls in one of the public schools.
Our train arrives and we get onto it.

Over 20 minutes later, we get out at Harvard Square to see the Pope intone the Gloria, which is picked up by the Rome Symphony Orchestra & a choir of over 1,000 voices, including the Papal Chorale. The crowd is watching as more information about Cardinal O'Leary's membership in the Masons is analyzed, while 2 of the students from the school where the abuse took place-they're now enrolled in a Catholic High School-tell about Cardinal O'Leary's trying to make them join a Rainbow Girls assembly or else face death from him personally.
The sickness grows in everyone's stomach as news of the bastardized communion service is revealed in further detail. One of the people in the crowd throws up-on one of the T cops.
"I'm going to kill you, you bastard!" he shouts at the man and starts beating up on him.
"I didn't mean to do it," the man who threw up on him says.
"Too late, sucker," the cop says as he pounds at his face. Two of his supervisors come over and break the two men up, pulling the other man towards a waiting ambulance and the cop back into the office.
Thereporters on the local stations here in Boston promise more information later while the mass from Rome continues live on TV. The epistle is now being chanted in Latin, Greek, Hebrew & Esperanto with the commentators translating into English, Spanish & whatever other languages are being used to broadcast the service.
One of the guys turns the speaker on one of the monitors down and turns on 96.9 FM Talk on his radio. We watch what amounts to a silent movie while the radio host is talking about what's going on with Pope Patrick's Coronation and Cardinal O'Leary's involvement in the Freemasons.
"Thank God we got Mass last night," Maura comments.
"Me, too," I reply. "If we hadn't, we would be missing it today."
"Your plan was brilliant," Craig comments.
"Thanks," I smile back.
"And I say that it's a great waste of time and energy," a man behind me barks.
"What are you talking about?" Maura says.
"Fox & CBS have to cancel their NFL coverage because of this shit!" he retorts.
"Shut Up!" another man next to him shouts.
Near the entrance of the station, someone shouts "Heil Hitler!" He extends his arm out in the Nazi salute & goosesteps as the Gospel is sung in the same 4 languages at the Vatican. "Sieg Heil!" he shouts at the top of his voice.
Suddenly, he slips and lands flat on his butt. He gasps for air for nearly 5 minutes before finally catching his breath. 2 cops take him to the medical office down on the ground floor.

Friday, April 13, 2007


There's one thing I confess to liking when I ride on the T at rush hour. Being able to lean against the door.
But when a group of people push me into the subway car, I'm forced to give up the door and move into its center. It's like I'm being packed into a can of sardines!

Or how about when the train is forced to "stand by for one to two minutes for headway adjustment?" They are deliberately saying to you, "You are going to be late and we hope you lose your job!"

And then the worst of them're on the train and you're speeding like blazes, then the train slows down and stops with no station in sight. After about 5 or 10 minutes, you hear the 14 words a subway rider dreads:
"We have a disabled train in front of us! We apologize for the inconvenience!"


Well, one morning, while the Red Line Train is pulling into Fields Corner station, the already packed train has air conditioning troubles. And the moment the doors open, dozens of people stumble out into the warm air. In fact, the whole train empties out while the announcer in the station booth shouts, "No passengers, please! This train's coming out of service!"
No sooner does the train pull out of the station than it changes its stripes, transforming itself into a fiery furnace. The conductors scramble to get out of the train without letting it slow down.

At Savin Hill station, people are waiting for the train when they hear a loud voice yelling, "Hell Bound Train arriving!" Everyone scrambles out of the station as the train approaches and passes without stopping. Once it clears the station, it picks up speed and a voice shouts "Hell Bound Train! Going Directly To Hell!"

Just before JFK-Umass station, the train collapses and explodes. The flames shoot out in all different directions, killing thousands of commuters on the Southeast Expressway and the JFK-UMass station. The heat is too intense for those people to escape. Cars, trucks & buses erupt into flames that engulf a 3 mile area around the explosion.

First estimates by the local news reports say that nearly 5,000 people are dead and more than 35,000 are injured. In fact, when the BZ copter flies over the disaster, the commentator almost throws up when he sees the carnage below him. Across town radio & TV announcers tell their audience, "This is not your average fire. Please stay away from the area at all costs!"

Within minutes, network broadcasts pick up the news and beam it on their morning shows. CNN & MSNBC break off from their newscasts to air the unfolding tragedy before the viewers across America & around the world. And from the looks of what's happened, something bad is about to come down...

To be continued...