Friday, August 15, 2008


"If it's pity, we'll get some money! I'm just telling you facts! Pity? You don't want to be pitied...stay in your house!"
Jerry Lewis
"People with disabilities are proud citizens, not objects of pity! We will not stay in our houses!"
Protester of Jerry Lewis's telethon

Over 300 people had taken the commuter rail down to Plymouth to protest at the local events for the Jerry Lewis Labor Day telethon. Back in May, they'd heard Jerry Lewis putting down the disabled in his defense of the telethon. They wanted people to see them as they were-proud, tax-paying citizens who wanted equal access to what life had to offer, not objects of pity or sympathy. They'd been demeaned, and now it was time to speak up.
The skies were clear as a bell that day, as most September days are. A lot of people were spending their last weekend on the beach before heading home later in the day. And many of them were milling around the waterfront, where the telethon events were being held. Several stages of entertainment were planned, including the American Legion Band, the Tooting Tutsis, the Joshua Tree, and more.
The Tooting Tutsis(who were a bunch of kazoo players) led the people into the telethon area while the protesters set up their space across the street. One of the Tutsis hit a man with Down's Syndrome in the face. His mother kicked the lady in her butt, causing a fight to begin. Two Plymouth police officers intervened to break up the fight. Both combatants were arrested and taken to jail.
"Stop Treating Us With Pity!" "We Are Human Beings!" The crowd shouted as they watched a Mitsubishi Diamondvision Television set airing the telethon. The HD set had been donated by a local electronics retailer. Jerry was introducing a man who was suffering from Fredrick's Ataxia. He told the viewers that he was a "helpless victim" of his disease. Suddenly, the man pulled Jerry by his shirt tail and shouted, "I'm not a helpless victim, you fucking bastard!"
The crowd saw Jerry recoil as the man stood up and told him, "So what if I've got a neuromuscular disease? The important thing is, I'm still a very productive person! Let me tell you something. I've been elected to the Nevada State Senate, and I'm running for Governor of this state. I'm more productive in my chair than you are standing up..." Suddenly, Jerry buried his fist into the man's face, causing him to fall on his butt.
"Why didn't you just stay in your house?" Jerry shouted.
"Jerry, you're toast!" the man said, getting up and burying his foot into his groin section. Jerry collapsed onto his knees. Suddenly, everybody saw him wet his pants. Jerry got up and attacked the man, throwing him out of his wheelchair. It took several people to restrain the two, but the TV went to a "Please Stand By" slide. The people at the harbor front watched in horror as they went back to Chet Curtis slapping Natalie Jacobsen during the local segment.
"You shouldn't have burnt that dinner!" Chet shouted.
"You fuckin' wanted that steak..." Natalie screamed. Meanwhile, all the people at the phone bank sat there and cheering them on. The screen went blank as someone threw a rock right into the giant TV.

"Yes, sir," one of the protesters said. "Looks like New England's Newscenter Five made a mistake in getting those 2 jerks back together. They are such a bitchy couple."
"You can say that again," another protester said. "That guy's made over $2 billion to "help" his kids, but where does that money actualy go?"
"I'll tell ya," the first protester replied. "It all goes to overhead and paying off the executive staff."
"I'll bet ya Jerry takes a cut of the profits himself," the other protester said. "I wonder where he gets his toys at."

As the Legion Bud Band performed the "Washington Post" march on the main stage, a group of Neo-Nazis marched up the aisle shouting "Sieg Heil!" One of the members in the crowd threw a bottle into the leader, causing him to collapse on the ground. Two of the Neo-Nazis jumped on the man and beat the stuffings out of him before he pulled a gun and shot the two of them in the face.
"FREEZE! POLICE!" shouted one of Plymouth's finest.
Seeing the cops, the man surrendered saying, "I had to do it, sir. Those fucking Nazi scumbags were beating me up!"
"That's no excuse!" the cop said, snapping the cuffs on him. "If they die, you'll get the chair for this!"
"Well, bring it on!" the man said. "The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi!"
The crowd were stunned at this. One of the spectators burst into tears while one of the band members threw up on the dead Neo-Nazi. The concert was cancelled and the band was forced to get off the stage. Meanwhile, the TV announced that Chet had been arrested for beating up on Natalie.
As the Neo-Nazis walked away in mourning, some of the band members went after them and started kicking them around...


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